The Pretty Boy in his spare time

mental masturbation

one of the homies was telling us bout his crazy old lady neighbor. one day, as he was on the driveway moving shit into his car she asked him, "are you moving?". he replied "no". then she says, "good, cause if you are, i'll keel you." followed by a wicked snicker.

what the fuck is that?

the homies joked that he shoulda replied "not if i rape and kill you first!". actually they had the order wrong so i corrected them; the better reply would be "not if I kill you first then rape you biatch!"

that conversation stuck in my head as I had hotpot the next nite w/ the liger and ms. short fatty. the liger was kind to offer her a magic cookie. she joked "gosh you guys are such bad influence. if my dad knew about this, he'd kill you guys". instinctively and without hesitation I replied "NOT IF I CAP THAT MOTHERFUCKER FIRST! BLING BLING NIGGAH!!! THATS HOW WE DO IN SAN JOSE! YEAZON!"

Shorty is a fatty

Addendum to shortie. It's one thing to be short, can't help that, it's in the genes. But to be short and fat is sinful. Short girls have a shorter margin of error for obesity. It's logical. If your upper limb is 3ft., and you're 2ft. wide then you're a rectangle but if your upper limb is 2ft and you're still 2ft wide then you're a fucking square. In this picture, we have a fucking square but come on now, a 2 piece bikini? That's a double whammy woman, you're already short and fat so why are you flaunting that shit in a 2 piece? Bitch please, hide yourself.

By the way, me and the Liger had dinner w/ this short fatty and she said "I'm going to Cancun so I can't eat too much cause I gotta watch my figure". Can I get a LOL?

For the record, the Liger said he'd hit that.

killing time at work while people act on democratic impulses

Last presidential election I was sitting in a Fullerton bar contemplating the next four years. 

Mind you there were drinks in my system so I was not really thinking clearly, but once Bush won Ohio, my heart would have cried even if I were sober.

In 2004 I was still an undergrad so hanging out with other college students who ordered complex and fruity drinks was part of the deal.  Fruity drinks have since been eliminated from my system and it's self assuring to know that I will toast the new President Elect, Barack Hussein Obama this evening with a manly beer of my choice.

Come to think of it I was at a bar in the Chill Zone on the night that eventually lead to Bush's official but controversial victory in 2000.  Maybe a bar wouldn't be the best place.  Home would be the best place to see this and boy do I have some good beer to choose from.

Should I go for the Youngs Double Chocolate, Ayinger Dark Lager, or Taj Lager?  The choice is not easy.  Remembering what beer you drank on a big day should rank up their with remembering your current booty call's name.  Not because there is any correlation between the two.  It's just that they are both important.

I was also on a student newspaper staff during those elections.   Now I'm advising a student newspaper staff.   Maybe being a mature, working-world man who does light partying at home will be a good omen for the this election and for the future.   Obama will win today because of me.   

Lets take care of ourselves the same way we hope that a president will take care of the country. Here is to a good future.   Health and Happiness to all.  Nader 2012.