the handshake

def. A handshake is a short ritual in which two people grasp each other's right or left hand often accompanied by a brief up and down movement of the grasped hands. While its origins remain obscure, archaeological ruins and ancient texts show that handshaking was practiced as far back as the 2nd century BC.

There are many types of handshakes...the limp handshake, the hand-crusher handshake, the sweaty palms handshake, and so on and so forth (you can even include the high five, the fist bump, etc). I today introduce you to a new handshake, the handshake in which you give to an asian man who is with a white woman. Next time you see a asian man with a white woman, go up to him and say..."hello sir, my name is , and i just wanted to shake your hand".

What if she is ugly/fat/prego/etc. you ask? In this case, if the asian man is shorter than the white woman (which is usually the case), shake his hand. Otherwise....point and laugh.

Panda Express: A taste of T'ien

Confucius advised the Chinese long time ago (when he was just chillin right now) that they should not worry about heavenly matters over immediate earthly ones. 

The creaters of Panda Express, a high-class authentic Chinese eatery, obviously did not get that message.  At least that's the impression left upon the senses of those frequenting the restaurant.

The orange chicken, chow-mien and egg rolls take guests back to a time when chinese restaurants were not yet caught up in wave of globalization and making Chinese food more "American friendly."

While Confucius might wonder how Express chefs conjure up such delicacies with earthly means, food lovers are not beefing, unless of course they're devouring the authentic  beef and broccoli. 

"I love this place," said mortgage banker Everett Jones of La Jolla. "Makes me feel like I am in the Wuhan"

Accompanied by his wife Wei, the young couple slowly pace through their 3-item combination plates.

"This is how we do it in San Diego," he said, while staring into her eyes.

 

Please Move

YOU STUPID FUCKING STUPID 4'11 DOUCHEBAG AH DU MA.

1) YOUR FAT ASS should not be wearing a wifebeater at the GYM if you have a belly.
2) WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DRINK OUT OF THE WATER FOUNTAIN AND NOT MOVE. GET OFF YOUR FUCKING CELL PHONE, YOU ARE NOT COOL. I HATE YOU . . .
3) I AM TALLER THAN YOU SITTING DOWN . . . FUCK YOU . . . It's funny how you need to hop on a little chair to grab the lat bar? A fucking midget with a belly shouldn't work out, you should be in circus soleil, you fucking freak.

BUT your short girlfriend . . . she is hot. VERY HOT . . . I really want to bent her over and stick my penis in her ass. Then take it out and rub it around her eye. Obviously now showering will be involved, EVEN BETTER she can poo on my penis a little so I can take that shit out and rub it all over her mouth and lips . . . and when she goes home to you . . . a nice kiss goodnight.

PRETTY MUCH FUCK YOU, YOU MIDGET FOUNTAIN BLOCKER, I HOPE YOU die and YOUR GIRLFRIEND GETS TRAINED BY a GROUP OF NIGGERS and catch AIDS . . .