"Huang of Myn," a song for the ages (lyrics)

"Huang of Myn"

Drinking Wine

Thinking about the Huang of myn

-The End-

Class

lesson #107 from the Ben Ley school of charm and charisma:
early sunday evening, i was fortunate enough to be a guest of the almighty BENevolent Ley at the great ley palace for the UFC fight. seeing everyone w/ a beer in hand, i figure the choice of non-alcoholic beverages would be limited. There's always water but it could be a hassle; troubling the host w/ getting a glass/cup(sometimes with an unfamiliar scent), unsure where to set it or whether to wash it afterwards or perhaps its a brita and ya gotta refill that bitch... certainly that's not how the ley rolls. he had a bottle of fiji fucking water frosting in the freezer for me. it took me awhile to digest before that AHA moment, an epiphany: Ben Ley is high class, the real motherfuckin deal...the gap between us mere mortals and the great ley is more than i ever imagined.

epilogue: within a week, i bought a box of fiji water at costco and now i consistently have 4 chilling in the fridge for my guests.

The Legend of Omniley

For centuries stories of a great Mandarin warrior have circulated around east Asia and then eventually the rest of the world.

A great Mandarin man, one who is actually greater than man, is to emerge from his low-key position and submerge the white man under oceans of retribution.

This Mandarin is not only sexy, he is strong and intelligent.

There has been false hope throughout these centuries on the status of this beautiful piece of human beef.

In 1823 scores of women from the Chinese sphere of influence, Japan, Korea, Vietnam, and of course China gathered in the Wuhan forests, got naked and fingered themselves endlessly in hopes of summoning this great sustenance providing compilation of sexy powerful flesh.

He never came, but today some are expecting his return. San Diego financial analyst Yan Gao is one of those people. Gao, who as a child immigrated from China with his family to California, is reported to be organizing a lather and lube party on an undisclosed San Diego area beach. He believes this is the year, and that rubbing his naked body with oil in front of the ocean will summon this great man. This years group of hopefuls believes that their savior will be ascending from the San Jose area and that his name starts with the letter B.

Personal Grooming

me: BEN LEY
Sent at 8:12 PM on Tuesday
Benjamin: YES?
Sent at 8:16 PM on Tuesday
me: i thought bout what you said
bout personal grooming
if its not too much trouble ... can you show me how to tweeze brows?
Benjamin: wtf
its not hard you just take out the ones that grow astray
like the ones that end up by your temples and the ones that grow in the unibrow area
me: i'll bring my own tweezers
Benjamin: theres a big difference between cleaning your eye brows and shaping your eye brows
me: i' just need you to show me the way
Benjamin: dude its easy... you don't even take out that much
just the ones that grow astray
you leave the brow itself alone for the most part
me: i cant take the risk of fuckin up the brows
when are you available
Benjamin: are you for real?
me: yeazon
Benjamin: dude just look at yourself in the mirror
if it looks like ytour getting a unibrow
take out the middle part
me: dude whats the big deal w/ just coaching me for the first time
Benjamin: i do it to avoid like dragonballz eye brows
nothing
its just wierd
but ig uess it not a big deal

Comfort Food

WHITE PEOPLE SHOULD NOT SAY PHO IS COMFORT FOOD. THE END . . .

MSG

I have been Yelping recently about San Diego and let me tell you . . . White people are fucking idiots. TO MUCH MSG . . . TO MUCH MSG . . . FUCK YOU WHITEY . . . I HAVE ONE THING TO SAY . . . STOP SERVING SO MUCH CHEESE NIGGER. That is why you are so fat, putting cheese on everything. Stop putting cheese on everything . . . you want cheese on that . . . YES.
Next time you're going to say,"No Msg". I'm going to say, "No cheese you fat fuck", even if you are skinny.
GO FUCK YOUR MOTHER . . . YES YOUR FAT MOTHER THAT LOVES CHEESE.

SPEAK CHINESE

HOLY SHIT, is there no more Mandarin Speaking bitches out there? How hard is it to find a girl that can speak Chinese. These dumb whores WHORES, need to learn their language . . . HOLY SHIT . . . FUCK NON-CHINESE SPEAKING BITCHES THAT ARE CHINESE . . . FUCK BITCHES THAT CLEAN ABC, FUCK BITCHES THAT CLAIM TO NEVER LEARN, FUCK BITCHES THAT CAN'T COOK . . .

AGAIN FUCK TAIWAN, BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE SAYING THAT . . . AND FUCK BUSH AND ONE LOVE TO MADOFF . . .

FUCK CHINESE BITCHES THAT CAN'T SPEAK CHINESE . . . THEY SHOULD BE SOLD TO SLAVERY OR HAVE A BURN MARK ON THEIR FACE LIKE HOW A PIMP WOULD BRAND HIS HOOKER WHEN THEY FUCKED UP.
FUCK CHINESE BITCHES THAT CAN'T SPEAK CHINESE . . . AND FUCK YOU FOR DISAGREEING . . . HAPPY NEW YEARS . . .

He was expecting a bong...